Bounce-backability against the Baggies and to be ugly is not a crime.

Aston Villa v West Bromwich Albion Premier League Sat 19th September

The manner of Aston Villa's defeat against Leicester was sickening, maddening and grindingly inevitable. 

A number of reasons can be determined: Gary Neville blamed Ashley Westwood's lack of defensive discipline. Some fans blamed Brad Guzan for his aimless punch towards Nathan Dyer and not the ball, but ultimately Villa were blown away by the confident onslaught of a team in form and distressingly, simply a much better team. 

Can they bounce back against the Baggies and play with the same attacking verve as they showed against Leicester whilst ironing out the niggles that cost them? West Bromwich Albion can be as stubborn a team as manager Tony Pulis's approach to fashion. Baseball caps can never be be acceptable, but by relying on old-fashioned aggression and fast breaking forwards, Albion's formula can click, most notably away against Stoke this season, snatching a win against old friends, and running Chelsea close with a 3-2 defeat.

Tim Sherwood. Tired and emotional. Bring back the barrow-boy.

The beauty of goals by Jack Grealish, his first in the Premier League and Gil, who scored a goal worthy of comparison with Roberto Carlos's famous free kick will linger in the memory after the disappointment of last Sunday's capitulation. As does the red-faced, on-the-precipice-of-crying post match figure of Sherwood. This misanthropic character has surfaced once too often recently and we must hope the cheeky cockney barrow-boy demeanour returns soon.

Also on a positive note, Lescott slotted in admirably on his debut, already showing more class than Ciaran Clarke has previously. The feeling is that Villa have started to score goals, which is an encouraging change from the tumbleweed hours of last season, but must learn to marry this flair with some good old fashioned plain ugliness. This is despite having a huge proper centre forward shaped piece missing in their jigsaw.

Salomon Rondon. An absolute beast.

Closing out the Leicester game when 2-0 up is not negative or defeatist but in-game pragmatism that should be welcomed. This means for Sherwood, not bringing on attackers like Rudy Gestede for Agbonlahor when leading and instead utilising players such as Veretout, Sanchez, Clarke to close out a game. Berahino and Rondono are muscular, skilful forwards and Aston Villa must concentrate for the full match or the string of infamous collapses will continue on Saturday.

Bournemouth 0-1 Aston Villa: the key points

Bournemouth v Aston Villa: the key points

It wasn't pretty. it wasn't even enjoyable at times.  But Aston Villa came away with their third opening day win in a row. Here's what we can take from the game.

Rudy Gestede can fill the Benteke-shaped hole in Villa’s attack. The fans chanted his name like a cult hero even before he made an impression on the pitch.  His style is reminiscent of another cult favourite, John Carew. He battered through four defenders to power a forceful bullet header into the net. Not just a battering ram, his hold up play was excellent and he was committed in defence with some great tackles.

Idrissa Gueye played the kind of assured game that made Delph’s antics a distant memory. To say he is an ideal replacement for Fabian Delph sells him short as he possesses more defensive steel than Delph ever did and more discipline than the Man City turncoat.  His controlled passing and positional sense gave Villa a steady foundation  to build upon.

 Jordan Amavi is the best Villa left back since Alan Wright showing an abundance of pace, pinpoint crossing and great awareness of team mates.  His willingness to surge forward and his great crossing ability creates an excitement not provided by Kieran Richardson and Sissoko before that. One of the new recruits who settled quickly and looked composed.

Ray Wilkins’ influence showed in Villa’s first half performance. And not in a good way.  The Crabs’ former playing style was written all over the first half display, as the ball was passed from side to side, front to back, with little penetration or purpose. One lone shot by Scott Sinclair in the half told a story of caution. It took a half time team talk by Sherwood to change the approach of the team.

The new signings will need time to settle.  Veretout and Ayew in particular looked like they will need time to get match fitness and acclimatise to their Premier League surroundings. Veretout was a shadow of the inventive, surging displays that he showed for Nantes. Ayew lacked flair and didn’t get into the dangerous positions.  Tim Sherwood recognised this even before this match and double training sessions are the order of the day.

Villa can win ugly. This was the kind of smash and grab from a boisterous Bournemouth that Villa were just not capable of last season.  Under Lambert, the order of the day was to play ugly, lose uglier.   The game had the feel of a cup match and Bournmouth had the superior first half.  Sherwood’s decision to send on Gestede with a half hour remaining proved to be a crucial tactical masterstroke. 

Five reasons why Manchester United will not win the title this year.

Heaven knows, why Louis Van Gaal?

Five reasons why Manchester United will not win the title this year.

1.    “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.” warned Frankenstein in Mary Shelley’s gothic classic: words which could quite easily have been spoken by Louis Van Gaal in one of his press conferences.  The Manchester United manager is going the ‘galactico’ route and assembling his own Frankenstein, having been entrusted to spend the vast amounts of money that David Moyes was pointedly not. Whether or not his Manchester United will be the shambling, confused wreck they resembled at times last season or a cohesive unit remains to be seen. Whether the new policy of crudely stitching together this ‘Real Manc-drid’ will pay dividends over the ‘winning absolutely everything with kids’ policy of the past should become clear this season.

2.     Van Gaal has people skills. Skills that are severely lacking. An oft-shared video snippet hinted at tension with assistant Ryan Giggs last year.  A withering and irritable style has not endeared him to the media. His alienation of the ‘galactico’ acquisitions of last season. Falcao and Di Maria, raises questions about his willingness to accommodate and handle differing personalities. The latter having been sold to PSG at a huge loss.  Witness this recent summary of Ashley Young: “You can expect things from Ashley Young. He had a fantastic season. But he is not a Neymar and we have to compete with that kind of class.”. Presumably, Young is keeping his own counsel about his manager’s failure to emulate Alex Ferguson’s success by any degree.

3.     There have been some exciting signings  this summer.  Memphis Depay; Schneiderlin, Schweinsteiger, a real player of pedigree and experience; Pedro rumoured.  Despite these, their title rivals still look better placed to mount a challenge.  Other rivals look better organised (Chelsea), more settled (Arsenal, who have added only Peter Cech) and more sure in their roles to mount a title challenge (Man City, if the spine of Kompany, Yaya Toure and Silva can find previous heights).  It will take some weeks for the new team to gel and Chelsea could be long out of sight by then.

4.     Van Gaal’s people skills.  He cuts a slightly terrifying figure, as witnessed in this Manchester United club awards ceremony ‘comedy sketch’ at the end of last season.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBYohmqooGI

5.     The season-long exile from the Champions League wounded players and fans incredibly badly.  Unthinkable for a club so enraptured with the trophy they most dramatically ripped from Bayern Munich’s cold, dead hands in 1999.  They simply cannot afford to miss out on the £9 million prize pot for getting through their qualifier to the group stage and indeed the further financial gains that reward progression. Van Gaal, as neurotically obsessed with his legacy in Europe as the club is, could take his focus off the league and be distracted in his pursuit of European success.

Can the Delph and Benteke Exodus restore faith for Aston Villa?

Is the Benteke and Delph exodus from Aston Villa such a bad thing?

Aston Villa’s pre-season plans were undoubtedly rocked after the shock departure of Fabian Delph to Manchester City and Christian Benteke to Liverpool.

Tim Sherwood’s media silence particularly during the Delph saga was fascinating: was he hiding a simmering resentment towards the players in question and/or the club itself? Or was he tactfully avoiding the inevitable questions whilst concentrating on bringing new players in?

Delph’s shocking U-turn on his Villa future, just six days after pledging loyalty to the Midlands club, left fans and the wider football community outraged. It is without doubt one of the most incredible transfer stories in recent years. It’s hard to imagine how Delph will recover from this PR disaster and the ferocity of abuse he will face at grounds up and down the country this season.

Benteke’s transfer to Liverpool is less shocking as he stated his desire for a move to a club with European ambitions and Manchester United were also linked with the muscular Belgian striker.  He had already shown loyalty to Villa by agreeing to stay in the 2013/2014 season under Paul Lambert and he clearly felt it was time for a new challenge.

Many have suggested that Villa will struggle this season after losing two players who form the midfield and attacking spine of their team. Does this necessarily spell trouble for Aston Villa?

Delph was praised for his high energy displays last term but only managed a paltry 3 assists and no goals in the Premier League.  He is arguably neither an effective attacking midfielder nor a defensive midfielder.  

Villa acted quickly and have bolstered their midfield by acquiring Idrissa Gueye from Lille: a promising,  highly rated U21 French midfielder who has looked sure-footed in pre-season.

Jordan Veretout, an exciting and dynamic French midfielder from Nantes will add the guile and elegance that has been sorely missing in recent years from Villa’s midfield.  His stats are superior to Delph’s, scoring seven goals, providing six assists last season, contributing 44% of Nante’s total goals and assists in the league.

Benteke performed poorly for most of the season under Paul Lambert. Often out of sorts and forlorn, Benteke’s form picked up dramatically under Sherwood. Villa’s play was often one dimensional, relying on the Belgian’s physical attributes, firing long balls in the air. They also relied far too heavily on his goals to rescue them from relegation trouble.

            

The £32.5 million has been reinvested in Rudy Gestede,26, from Blackburn Rovers. He is a player with similar attributes to Benteke and an impressive goal ratio of 32 goals in 50 appearances albeit at Championship level.  Jordan Ayew from Lorient is a versatile attacker who can play across the front.   Rumours of Berbatov and/or Adebayor on loan are also tweeting loudly currently.

Benteke and Delph leaving has has also allowed other areas to be strengthened; the marauding Jordan Amavi is a significant upgrade on Kieran Richardson, Jose Crespo comes in as a defensive squad player to push Alan Hutton all the way out of the exit some would hope and Mark Bunn will fight with Brad Guzan for the goalkeeping berth.

Although largely untested, the new players represent a number of things for Aston Villa: a broom that sweeps out the sense of failure and defeat that has lingered for many seasons now; a change in policy to spending on young, promising talent  instead of costly British players (Nigel Reo Coker?) and young, cheap, dismal talent (apologies to Enda Stevens, Aleksander Tonev).

In the first few months of this season Villa have, arguably, an easier set of fixtures than most, opening with Bournmouth away and Crystal Palace and Leicester amongst these fixtures.  After this run it will become more apparent whether the new players can gel effectively and indeed what shape the club’s fortunes are in.  After Exodus, faith might well be restored in Jordan. Three of them. Clumsy metaphor indeed, but Aston Villa will cling to it nonetheless.

Arsenal and Man City Draw to leave the door wide open for Liverpool

Arsenal and Man City played out a draw to leave Liverpool a glimpse of the title. 

The draw at the Emirates saw goals from Manchester City's David Silva in the 18th minute and Flamini's equaliser in the 53rd minute. The game, by no means a classic, saw Arsenal finish stronger and seemingly more energetic than Man City, who were far from their passing, interlinking best. 

The most exciting thing about this game, which was certainly not a heavyweight classic, was the opportunity handed to Liverpool, who play Spurs tomorrow in the cauldron of Anfield. Liverpool lie in second behind the leaders Chelsea and a win tomorrow will take them to the top of the table. Brendan Rodger's transformation of Liverpool has been incredible and way ahead of the 'five year plan.' Can he really restore Liverpool to title winners after so many years? 

They are certainly playing the most exciting attacking football, with the enthusiastically-toothed Suarez and the curious dancer Sturridge forming the best double act since Cole and Yorke, Shearer and Sutton, or Lineker and Beardsley. 

The neutral can only hope Liverpool keep up the pressure tomorrow with  a win over Tottenham, to make the title run in incredibly exciting. 

The violence, beauty and originality of Scandinavian cinema

The violence, beauty and originality of Scandinavian cinema

'Can I flick your face?' asks the icily sociopathic Charles Augustus Magnussen, played by Lars Mikkelsen.  It's one of the oddest, most compelling scenes of the Sherlock season 3 finale.  

Mikkelsen is an actor of unusual presence, appearing in Scandinavian TV show The Killing, and is the brother of Mads.  

He steals the screen. A sweaty-palmed, manipulative genius, urinating in 221B Baker Street's fireplace; his performance but a mere  drop in the river of Danish and Swedish film-making talent.

Such actors are the reason I have recently found fascination in the frosty, fairisle-strewn atmosphere of Scandinavian cinema. Add to that the beautiful, otherworldly locations and a sense of realism absent from most Hollywood fare. I've compiled a small list of my recent favourite discoveries in Scandinavian film.  Even if you have no love for subtitles, I urge you to at least try one.

The Hunt (2012)

Starring Mads Mikkelsen, who was breaker of Bond's balls, literally, in Casino Royale and likes to sup chianti with spleen in Hannibal the TV Series.  Mikkelsen plays a primary school teacher accused of a terrible crime of sexual abuse and its subsequent effect on the community.  Nominated for Best Foreign Film at this year's Oscars (2014).  A powerful, unflinching look at a subject that makes Hollywood's blood run cold (save for a few films, such The Woodsman, starring Kevin Bacon, that take on this subject matter).  The film explores accusations of paedophilia and the ensuing witch hunts that occur in our media and communities at near hysterical levels in these modern times. Despite the subject matter, incredibly watchable, touching and a magnetic main performance.

Ondskan (2003)

A fantastically brutal, unrelenting study into the nature of violence, both physical and psychological,and the abuse of power. Set in a boys' boarding school, this is like Dead Poets Society with a knuckleduster. Blood splatters the camera frequently and the levels of violence involving children go harder than most would dare.  The real horror, however is the controlled abuse of the protagonist's stepfather and the school prefects who give out punishments and the wilful ignorance of this by the teachers.

King Of Devils's Island (2010)

Based on a true story,  a 'borstal' style boys island prison in the 1930s is home to beatings, humiliation and forced labour.  Powerfully touches on the themes of sailing, escapism and the class system.

The Keeper of Lost Causes (2013)

Based on the Department Q novels by Jussi Adler-Olsen, this is a thrilling and nasty police procedural thriller. Detective Carl Mørck and his assistant take up the 'cold case' of a politician's disappearance - a case that takes them deep into the undercurrent of abuse and malice that lurks beneath the polished surface of Scandinavia.  Featuring a truly unpleasant nemesis with a gruesomely inventive 'method' that involves the worst use of diving equipment imaginable,  this is really compelling  and the ending points towards further film adaptions of the novels.

Of the 'remade for America' Scandinavian movies, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is far superior in its original, TV movie extended form, despite David Fincher's slick remake: Naomi Rapace defines the role of Lisbeth Salander and the full depth of the trilogy can be appreciated. The trilogy is currently around £12 on Amazon, a great package for about 10 hours of drama.  Let The Right One In is also far superior in its original form, retaining more of a sense of innocence and otherworldliness, which suits the melodic twists of the Swedish language perfectly.

The increased success of its actors and directors in Hollwood, particularly Nicolas Winding Refyn, who brings an art-house mentality to mainstream cinema, shows that Scandinavian cinema is becoming more interesting to us and to studios who are prepared to experiment a little more. This can only be a good thing. Watch some of the trailers above, see if any capture your interest, comment below.

Where would my blog be without this funny cat meme?

Funny cat memes will save us all from destruction.

My blog over at http://thepaintedsmile.wordpress.com hasn't quite had the views I hoped it would thus far, even though i've interviewed some reasonably big names in the world of politics and crafted a heartfelt piece on Scandinavian cinema.

Because of this, I feel it appropriate to conduct an experiment and give the mass ignorant swathes of the internet-browsing public just what they want.

A funny cat picture.

Look at it! It's almost human in its characteristics. This cat is doing something that a human being might do. It's doing a little dance, the furry f*ck.  Some comedic genius has taken it upon themselves to grab their smartphone and snap their apathetic, mouse-murdering companion in the act.

Even more side-splittingly, someone has written an amusing caption in the style of one of those crazy memes that go around Facebook and your work email. That is if you're privileged enough to have access to IT equipment at work. I am not.  They have used the cheapest, nastiest font possible: as if they are speaking in Jim Davidson's voice. Or maybe Bernard Manning's, before he became deaded.

I bet this gets more views than any of the other stuff i've done.

Damn you all.